ignoring the raindrops [prose/letter poem]

oh, moonlight goddess...


i've lost my place. my fingertips seem weak. autumn's monologue calls, but i've ignored her pleading cries. she sends her children, the leaves, to their deaths. they explode into flames of the brightest scarlets and the deepest of yellows, but my eyes have become blinded to their massacre. autumn is bleeding her life out for me, yet somehow my heart has sympathized with winter's unforgivable chill.

what is wrong with me, my luminescent queen? where has my heart gone? i fear that i've followed you for too long, and my skin is paling along with the once-burning flame of my soul. i taste ashes upon my lips and my irises are that of a stranger's. and i fear that love is only but an echo to me--no longer a light to orbit and live for.

so i find now that i am sinning my innocence away. but through all of these misdoings, i realize now what is the worst.

i have ignored the raindrops. i feel them on my skin, but they do not cleanse me. the storm-clouds have cried for me, and i have thrust them away! i don't deserve your forgiveness. i don't deserve anything at all...

please, do not try to think good of me anymore. forgiveness is not a gift that should ever been given to such a failure as i am.







with shame that has no comparison,
a fading star.